I went shopping today.
I swear to you I tried on really feminine things. Foofy tops and pretty things. I can't do flowery shit. Or ruffles. Unlike a lot of women, I am very aware of my muffin top and won't wear something that will display my rolls prominently. You want rolls? Go to your local bakery.
I compromised. I found two henley tops at Old Navy. One is bright coral, the other, white with skinny navy blue stripes. They're v-necks...my one weapon in my arsenal.
My theory is this. Play up your assets. Mine? I have my boobies. I'm sorry, boobies sound tiny. I have BOOBS. Dolly could be a distant cousin. Seriously. I figure this...wear a nice v-neck, show plenty of cleavage and nobody will notice your poochy belly. Problem solved. This is one of my all time favorite quotes from Rita Rudner:
"Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid."
Anyways...my shopping continued. I got three pairs of earrings because I still have holes in my ears ("How are you going to hear otherwise?" Har har har). My daughter is duly impressed. And I got a pair of brown flip-flops with jewels and rhinestones. Oh yeah...sthparkly!!
I bought a big round brush and a bottle of Redken Power Tame 16. I read this shit takes the curls out of the craziest of hairs. We'll see. The fact that I spent SIXTEEN DOLLARS on one product blows my ever loving mind. I get my mousse on sale for three bucks a can and it lasts me two months. Do the math. This shit better work. I also got Nice and Easy foam in medium golden brown. The foam sounds interesting in theory. I hope it covers my skunk stripe!
If I'm feeling nice, I'll post a picture with the results tomorrow. Maybe.
Oh...for those of you who left comments or tweets about yesterday's posting? A heartfelt thank you. :o)