Thursday, June 30, 2011

Bit by bit...

I went shopping today.


I swear to you I tried on really feminine things.  Foofy tops and pretty things.  I can't do flowery shit.  Or ruffles.  Unlike a lot of women, I am very aware of my muffin top and won't wear something that will display my rolls prominently.  You want rolls?  Go to your local bakery.

I compromised.  I found two henley tops at Old Navy.  One is bright coral, the other, white with skinny navy blue stripes.  They're one weapon in my arsenal.

My theory is this.  Play up your assets.  Mine?  I have my boobies.  I'm sorry, boobies sound tiny.  I have BOOBS.  Dolly could be a distant cousin.  Seriously.  I figure this...wear a nice v-neck, show plenty of cleavage and nobody will notice your poochy belly.  Problem solved.  This is one of my all time favorite quotes from Rita Rudner:

 "Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid."

So there. shopping continued.  I got three pairs of earrings because I still have holes in my ears ("How are you going to hear otherwise?" Har har har).  My daughter is duly impressed.  And I got a pair of brown flip-flops with jewels and rhinestones.  Oh yeah...sthparkly!!


I bought a big round brush and a bottle of Redken Power Tame 16.  I read this shit takes the curls out of the craziest of hairs.  We'll see.  The fact that I spent SIXTEEN DOLLARS on one product blows my ever loving mind.  I get my mousse on sale for three bucks a can and it lasts me two months.  Do the math.  This shit better work.  I also got Nice and Easy foam in medium golden brown.  The foam sounds interesting in theory.  I hope it covers my skunk stripe!

If I'm feeling nice, I'll post a picture with the results tomorrow.  Maybe.

Oh...for those of you who left comments or tweets about yesterday's posting?  A heartfelt thank you.  :o)

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